Am I Alone On This One?

The end of the year brings a lot of feelings. I am excited to know that the alarm will not wake me for almost two months and I am stressed by completing report cards and wrapping up all of my paperwork. I have 'pain' because the last thing I want to do is clean out my classroom and I am saddened that my students are moving on. I have another feeling that I thought was a strange one. A feeling that I have not shared with many, the feeling of failure. I thought I was alone here, but earlier this week I read a post by Mark Ahlness (and the follow up comments) and I felt a little better. I am not really alone.

Each year as I complete my students report cards I start thinking to myself, "you definitely did not do a good enough job teaching this," or, "you really could have spent more time on that," or even worse,"you really didn't do enough for this student." The more I think about these feelings, though, the more I think that this is healthy, in a strange sort of way. The desire to improve on the past is a good quality to possess.

In fact, it is kind of exciting looking for ways to make myself a better teacher. The hope of a relatively open summer to read, learn and improve, and knowing that the 'boards will be clean' in the fall seems to make it better. The pile of teaching books and files in my closet is exciting, when just a month ago it would have been dreadful and daunting. I really find the fact that feeling failure leads to hope so interesting.

Now I am just left with trying to figure out where to start...