The end of the year brings a lot of feelings. I am excited to know that the alarm will not wake me for almost two months and I am stressed by completing report cards and wrapping up all of my paperwork. I have 'pain' because the last thing I want to do is clean out my classroom and I am saddened that my students are moving on. I have another feeling that I thought was a strange one. A feeling that I have not shared with many, the feeling of failure. I thought I was alone here, but earlier this week I read a post by Mark Ahlness (and the follow up comments) and I felt a little better. I am not really alone.
Each year as I complete my students report cards I start thinking to myself, "you definitely did not do a good enough job teaching this," or, "you really could have spent more time on that," or even worse,"you really didn't do enough for this student." The more I think about these feelings, though, the more I think that this is healthy, in a strange sort of way. The desire to improve on the past is a good quality to possess.
In fact, it is kind of exciting looking for ways to make myself a better teacher. The hope of a relatively open summer to read, learn and improve, and knowing that the 'boards will be clean' in the fall seems to make it better. The pile of teaching books and files in my closet is exciting, when just a month ago it would have been dreadful and daunting. I really find the fact that feeling failure leads to hope so interesting.
Now I am just left with trying to figure out where to start...
3 comments:
I share very similar feelings...I am not sure where in my career I picked it up, but incorporated celebration into my annual cycle of personal goal setting, doing the work, evaluating my work, and reflecting upon my work. An ingredient of my celebration recipe is doing special things with my kids. I found this really sharpens my professional work...as a new father I am sure you will gravitate to this sort of celebration.
I found Stephen Covey very helpful....
http://www.franklincovey.com/fc/library_and_resources/article_library/time_and_life_management/first_things_first
Pod/Vod casting has really helped me enormously with trying to keep up on my professional learning.
Travis, excellent post. I feel that all the time, as does everyone (whether they admit it or not). For me it can be a fault people (especially family members) see in that I'm not always satisfied with a job done (even well). "Good enough" shouldn't be part of our vocabulary. You should absolutely do as Bret suggests and celebrate the job done well and relish in the fact that you know how to do even better next time.
You should be very pleased this year as you have grown tremendously and will continue to do so. Thanks for all your conversation and work you do with students.
Remember, you cannot make progress without more progress. :)
Travis,
I can totally relate to this post. I've always felt the what ifs and the I wish I hads at the end of the school year but that is the inspiration that drives me to innovate, read, reflect, and change all summer long. I think one of the most exciting and daunting things about teaching is that fresh start in the fall when we get to try again. But you can never go back and do it again for the kids you are reflecting on.
Your blogging and work inspires me to keep thinking out of the box and the kids in your class are fortunate to have you as their teacher regardless of the shortcomings you see in yourself. Keep reflecting and innovating and you will always be a great teacher!
Peace,
Matt
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